It's been dark in my world.
Bleak, dark and sad.
From working a miserable job for horrible bosses. From having to go to every single MET call every single day I go to work. From not getting into another training program. From... everything to everything else.
I've coped becoz I haven't known what else to do. If I really thought it viable to crumble, I would. If I could really die tomorrow and vanish from existence, I would. But none of that is realistic. The drudgery of a work-a-day life IS realistic. So I plod along.
For 2 months, I have worn only ill-fitting scrubs and worn an expression as worn, tired and sad as my soul. In the end, I've had to force myself to actually get dressed becoz I realized that looking awful made me feel worse...
The darkness is still there.
And it doesn't matter if it ever clears again.
Becoz there's nothing beyond the next few weeks, the next month for me. A work-a-day life to a work-a-day existence.
No ambition, no direction.
Just keeping it together.
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