F*ck you FRACP: C'est fini

I've spent the last 3 weeks wanting to shoot myself, beat myself to death with my own alarm clock and drive off bridges... all this while running all the MET (medical emergency team) calls at my hospital and trying to monitor the cardiology ward.


I've dragged FRACP notes to work and let them fester in my bag.  I've glowered at them while they sat on my coffee table at home.


I've let my bosses bully me and told junior doctors I hardly know that "I'm nothing, no-one and going nowhere".  


... it's been sh*thouse and I was such a happy intern.  I was a happy resident.  I was a generally happy doctor.  Fast forward 5 years and I'm only ever one more 'thing' away from self-emolation. 


SO.  


I have decided that I am DONE.


I am done with the FRACP.  I'm done with cardiology.  I'm sick of being the bosses' punching bag.  I'm done - now and forever.  I'm not going to study any more, be part of the college.  I'm going public even though I have no discernible alternative training program.  


In the words of someone wise, death is the ultimate career compromise.  If I kill myself, I definitely won't have a career trajectory.


Once I started university I thought my darkest days were behind me.  If the FRACP  +/- cardiology brings them back with a vengeance than I want nothing more to do with it.


C'est fini.

3 month follow-up: Brazilian Blow-out

So, I've taken the Brazilian blow-out on holiday and lived with it day-to-day.  I've been compliant with the keratin-full and sulphate-free shampoo and conditioner.


I've noticed that there are DIY keratin treatments in stores now and was starting wondering if I would do it all again.


I don't know that I like how straight this made my hair.  I didn't feel that it improved the frizz and kept the wave, instead it just made it straighter and less frizzy.  Not frizz-free but less frizzy.


I hated the provided/recommended shampoo and conditioner.  This had a foul, chemical smell and my hair felt dry after the conditioner.  I've used abt 2/3 of each and would never consider buying these products again.  A few companies make these products though - they probably aren't so foul-smelling... but they are certainly expensive.




Here's a link to my original thoughts on the Brazilian Blow-out 


http://scyanide.blogspot.com/2011/05/quick-review-brazilian-blow-out.html

Daily makeup trial

I recently went on holiday and thought I would try wearing a little bit of makeup daily.

Since I had LASIK (vision correction surgery) 6 weeks ago, I've had trouble adjusting to my 'new' face.  The makeup makes the transition more bearable for me, aesthetically.

Now, by a 'little' makeup, I literally mean:

• tightliner only on the upper lash line
• basic mascara
• eyebrow stuff (Nyx eyebrow kit - I don't know how to use eyebrow pencils)
• bronzer (as blush) OR Benefit's 'Posie Tint'

.. I don't use foundation, so this is on a base of moisturizer with SPF.

So, how did the experiment go?

Well, even the little bit I did took a lot longer than expected.  Practice does make perfect.

How did it look?  Well, I liked it.  Frankly, I even think the blush/bronzer is too much effort to do daily... but I can handle the rest regularly.

What I look like with what I consider a full face of makeup (this is NOT what I did on my 'daily makeup trial'!)

No makeup

..It's hard not to become 'addicted' to wearing makeup on a daily basis now that I've tried it.  I prefer how I look with even a little bit of makeup...  But then again, I work 11-12 hour days and contrary to popular belief, hospitals are not full of hot and attractive staff ;)