So here I sit, raw and ragged thanks to everything that has been thrown at me this year.
I hate to admit it but even if I cannot see beyond tomorrow, maybe tomorrow won't be so bad after all. I don't dare hope so my heart hurts a little with each breath. But heartache won't kill me. It's failed to kill me in the past.. at least maybe now it will be for a good cause.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
The darkest 2 months so far
It's been dark in my world.
Bleak, dark and sad.
From working a miserable job for horrible bosses. From having to go to every single MET call every single day I go to work. From not getting into another training program. From... everything to everything else.
I've coped becoz I haven't known what else to do. If I really thought it viable to crumble, I would. If I could really die tomorrow and vanish from existence, I would. But none of that is realistic. The drudgery of a work-a-day life IS realistic. So I plod along.
For 2 months, I have worn only ill-fitting scrubs and worn an expression as worn, tired and sad as my soul. In the end, I've had to force myself to actually get dressed becoz I realized that looking awful made me feel worse...
The darkness is still there.
And it doesn't matter if it ever clears again.
Becoz there's nothing beyond the next few weeks, the next month for me. A work-a-day life to a work-a-day existence.
No ambition, no direction.
Just keeping it together.
Bleak, dark and sad.
From working a miserable job for horrible bosses. From having to go to every single MET call every single day I go to work. From not getting into another training program. From... everything to everything else.
I've coped becoz I haven't known what else to do. If I really thought it viable to crumble, I would. If I could really die tomorrow and vanish from existence, I would. But none of that is realistic. The drudgery of a work-a-day life IS realistic. So I plod along.
For 2 months, I have worn only ill-fitting scrubs and worn an expression as worn, tired and sad as my soul. In the end, I've had to force myself to actually get dressed becoz I realized that looking awful made me feel worse...
The darkness is still there.
And it doesn't matter if it ever clears again.
Becoz there's nothing beyond the next few weeks, the next month for me. A work-a-day life to a work-a-day existence.
No ambition, no direction.
Just keeping it together.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
F*ck you FRACP: C'est fini
I've spent the last 3 weeks wanting to shoot myself, beat myself to death with my own alarm clock and drive off bridges... all this while running all the MET (medical emergency team) calls at my hospital and trying to monitor the cardiology ward.
I've dragged FRACP notes to work and let them fester in my bag. I've glowered at them while they sat on my coffee table at home.
I've let my bosses bully me and told junior doctors I hardly know that "I'm nothing, no-one and going nowhere".
... it's been sh*thouse and I was such a happy intern. I was a happy resident. I was a generally happy doctor. Fast forward 5 years and I'm only ever one more 'thing' away from self-emolation.
SO.
I have decided that I am DONE.
I am done with the FRACP. I'm done with cardiology. I'm sick of being the bosses' punching bag. I'm done - now and forever. I'm not going to study any more, be part of the college. I'm going public even though I have no discernible alternative training program.
In the words of someone wise, death is the ultimate career compromise. If I kill myself, I definitely won't have a career trajectory.
Once I started university I thought my darkest days were behind me. If the FRACP +/- cardiology brings them back with a vengeance than I want nothing more to do with it.
C'est fini.
I've dragged FRACP notes to work and let them fester in my bag. I've glowered at them while they sat on my coffee table at home.
I've let my bosses bully me and told junior doctors I hardly know that "I'm nothing, no-one and going nowhere".
... it's been sh*thouse and I was such a happy intern. I was a happy resident. I was a generally happy doctor. Fast forward 5 years and I'm only ever one more 'thing' away from self-emolation.
SO.
I have decided that I am DONE.
I am done with the FRACP. I'm done with cardiology. I'm sick of being the bosses' punching bag. I'm done - now and forever. I'm not going to study any more, be part of the college. I'm going public even though I have no discernible alternative training program.
In the words of someone wise, death is the ultimate career compromise. If I kill myself, I definitely won't have a career trajectory.
Once I started university I thought my darkest days were behind me. If the FRACP +/- cardiology brings them back with a vengeance than I want nothing more to do with it.
C'est fini.
Sunday, August 07, 2011
3 month follow-up: Brazilian Blow-out
So, I've taken the Brazilian blow-out on holiday and lived with it day-to-day. I've been compliant with the keratin-full and sulphate-free shampoo and conditioner.
I've noticed that there are DIY keratin treatments in stores now and was starting wondering if I would do it all again.
I don't know that I like how straight this made my hair. I didn't feel that it improved the frizz and kept the wave, instead it just made it straighter and less frizzy. Not frizz-free but less frizzy.
I hated the provided/recommended shampoo and conditioner. This had a foul, chemical smell and my hair felt dry after the conditioner. I've used abt 2/3 of each and would never consider buying these products again. A few companies make these products though - they probably aren't so foul-smelling... but they are certainly expensive.
Here's a link to my original thoughts on the Brazilian Blow-out
http://scyanide.blogspot.com/2011/05/quick-review-brazilian-blow-out.html
I've noticed that there are DIY keratin treatments in stores now and was starting wondering if I would do it all again.
I don't know that I like how straight this made my hair. I didn't feel that it improved the frizz and kept the wave, instead it just made it straighter and less frizzy. Not frizz-free but less frizzy.
I hated the provided/recommended shampoo and conditioner. This had a foul, chemical smell and my hair felt dry after the conditioner. I've used abt 2/3 of each and would never consider buying these products again. A few companies make these products though - they probably aren't so foul-smelling... but they are certainly expensive.
Here's a link to my original thoughts on the Brazilian Blow-out
http://scyanide.blogspot.com/2011/05/quick-review-brazilian-blow-out.html
Saturday, August 06, 2011
Daily makeup trial
I recently went on holiday and thought I would try wearing a little bit of makeup daily.
Since I had LASIK (vision correction surgery) 6 weeks ago, I've had trouble adjusting to my 'new' face. The makeup makes the transition more bearable for me, aesthetically.
Now, by a 'little' makeup, I literally mean:
- tightliner only on the upper lash line
- basic mascara
- eyebrow stuff (Nyx eyebrow kit - I don't know how to use eyebrow pencils)
- bronzer (as blush) OR Benefit's 'Posie Tint'
.. I don't use foundation, so this is on a base of moisturizer with SPF.
So, how did the experiment go?
Well, even the little bit I did took a lot longer than expected. Practice does make perfect.
How did it look? Well, I liked it. Frankly, I even think the blush/bronzer is too much effort to do daily... but I can handle the rest regularly.
 |
| What I look like with what I consider a full face of makeup (this is NOT what I did on my 'daily makeup trial'!) |
 |
| No makeup |
..It's hard not to become 'addicted' to wearing makeup on a daily basis now that I've tried it. I prefer how I look with even a little bit of makeup... But then again, I work 11-12 hour days and contrary to popular belief, hospitals are not full of hot and attractive staff ;)
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Unexpected Awesomeness: cosmetics + makeup haul from my travels
Hi everyone! Long time no blog!
Here are some unexpectedly awesome items from my recent travels....
Metholatum Lip Ice Sheer Color (2g)
I already loved Metholatum lip products.
And I love the 'mood ring'/ color changing concept in cosmetics (see previous post on TonyMoly Berry Magic Lip Tint).
I bought this on impulse while transiting thru the HongKong airport. Bought 2 actually... just in case I really liked them coz they definitely aren't available at home. They were AUD$6 each and yeah, you don't get a lot of product - for example, Nivea lip balm sticks are approx 5g each. But what the heck, I love this anyway!
Went on clear & incredibly smooth and became an ever-so-slightly glossy, perfect pink. Very moisturizing. Love the feeling. Until I tried this, I had thought my Nyx Tinted Lip Spa in Sake did a good job of doing 'my lips but better' but this is sooooooo much better. No dryness at all. Very slightly glossy. F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C.
DreamGirl 4u2 Together Two-Toned Blush
These were on sale while I wandered thru a department store (Paragon) in Bangkok. They worked out to be approx AUD$4 each. The paper packaging they were in initially was very plain and uninspiring.
I'd never heard of the brand but thought it was worth trying them since they were affordable and I love the two-colors-in-one-package idea.
As you can see, there's a little brush + mirror included with each. I haven't tried the brushes BUT was soooo impressed with the quality of these. They have fantastic color pay-off, are smooth and non-chalky.
A little bit of internet research has told me this is actually an American brand which has been launched exclusively in Asia thus far. I haven't seen it here in Oz or in Singapore yet but rest assured, I regret not trying more from this line when I had the chance!
Daiso 'Neo-Color' brand blush
The Daiso company is, as I understand it, as massive "$2 store" chain which is huge in Asia. It's Japanese and has branches around the world... apparently there's one in Melbourne too. But of course, I'm on the @ss-end of Australia so it's not here.
Ever been to a $2 store here? It's generally an almost-unpleasant experience. Lots of crappy, crappy merchandise which probably isn't worth the $2. You gotta sift thru a lot of wretched stuff to find the occasional gem.
Ever tried the Daiso version? --- Holy cow!!!! There's an amazing range of great stuff - cosmetics, homewares, stationery, tech stuff. It's hard to imagine how most of this stuff costs $2 coz you've seen similar items at places like Target for at least 3 times the price... which makes it $6. And you would have _still_ bought it for the $6 too!!
The Daiso branches I've been to in Asia are always jam-packed with people. There are queues for the checkout, if you don't get what you wanted the first time you went down an aisle, it's an ordeal to go back. I've bought iPod/iPhone retractable charge cables, camera and phone screen protectors, plastic organizer racks from this place..... BUT was dubious at trying their cosmetics.
I mean, stuff from the $2 store on my face... I dunno.
So I settled on a blush. The rose combo was sold out. There was only a coral combo and tan combo left. I picked the tan thinking it would be a nice highlight + contour combo. There were no samples... and I was a little disappointed when I swatched it at home and found them very shimmery.
Too shimmery?? Actually NOT at all. There was a delightful difference in effect betw the swatch on my hand and the actual application.
For FACE: the shimmer as a contour-highlight is suddenly becomes very subtle. It's believable. The dark color actually is a gorgeous, light-shimmer bronzer. It actually works for contouring too.
The texture is phenomenal. I rubbed too hard initially thinking it was prob quite a dry/chalky product coz it was so cheap... and got WAAAY too much on my finger. Very creamy and smooth... I didn't know what to do with the monster swatch so I tried it as eyeshadow.
For the EYES: Phenomenal!!!! Lovely, neutral eyeshadow. The highlight blended perfectly here as well. (*I usually use the ELF 'Butternut' quad eyeshadow for the really neutral eye look in a pinch --- the texture of the Neo-Color version is infinitely better)
Wow, what a great travel, multi-purpose product. I was looking for the perfect light-shimmer bronzer... and here I found it. For $2. There's even a flip-up mirror & mini brush included.
Why didn't I buy the other colors? Or their eyeshadows?
As if I could love Daiso any more. Can you spend $80 at the 2-buck store. Baby, lemme show you how it's done ;)
Here are some unexpectedly awesome items from my recent travels....
Metholatum Lip Ice Sheer Color (2g)
I already loved Metholatum lip products.
And I love the 'mood ring'/ color changing concept in cosmetics (see previous post on TonyMoly Berry Magic Lip Tint).
I bought this on impulse while transiting thru the HongKong airport. Bought 2 actually... just in case I really liked them coz they definitely aren't available at home. They were AUD$6 each and yeah, you don't get a lot of product - for example, Nivea lip balm sticks are approx 5g each. But what the heck, I love this anyway!
Went on clear & incredibly smooth and became an ever-so-slightly glossy, perfect pink. Very moisturizing. Love the feeling. Until I tried this, I had thought my Nyx Tinted Lip Spa in Sake did a good job of doing 'my lips but better' but this is sooooooo much better. No dryness at all. Very slightly glossy. F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C.
DreamGirl 4u2 Together Two-Toned Blush
These were on sale while I wandered thru a department store (Paragon) in Bangkok. They worked out to be approx AUD$4 each. The paper packaging they were in initially was very plain and uninspiring.
I'd never heard of the brand but thought it was worth trying them since they were affordable and I love the two-colors-in-one-package idea.
As you can see, there's a little brush + mirror included with each. I haven't tried the brushes BUT was soooo impressed with the quality of these. They have fantastic color pay-off, are smooth and non-chalky.
A little bit of internet research has told me this is actually an American brand which has been launched exclusively in Asia thus far. I haven't seen it here in Oz or in Singapore yet but rest assured, I regret not trying more from this line when I had the chance!
Daiso 'Neo-Color' brand blush
The Daiso company is, as I understand it, as massive "$2 store" chain which is huge in Asia. It's Japanese and has branches around the world... apparently there's one in Melbourne too. But of course, I'm on the @ss-end of Australia so it's not here.
Ever been to a $2 store here? It's generally an almost-unpleasant experience. Lots of crappy, crappy merchandise which probably isn't worth the $2. You gotta sift thru a lot of wretched stuff to find the occasional gem.
Ever tried the Daiso version? --- Holy cow!!!! There's an amazing range of great stuff - cosmetics, homewares, stationery, tech stuff. It's hard to imagine how most of this stuff costs $2 coz you've seen similar items at places like Target for at least 3 times the price... which makes it $6. And you would have _still_ bought it for the $6 too!!
The Daiso branches I've been to in Asia are always jam-packed with people. There are queues for the checkout, if you don't get what you wanted the first time you went down an aisle, it's an ordeal to go back. I've bought iPod/iPhone retractable charge cables, camera and phone screen protectors, plastic organizer racks from this place..... BUT was dubious at trying their cosmetics.
I mean, stuff from the $2 store on my face... I dunno.
So I settled on a blush. The rose combo was sold out. There was only a coral combo and tan combo left. I picked the tan thinking it would be a nice highlight + contour combo. There were no samples... and I was a little disappointed when I swatched it at home and found them very shimmery.
Too shimmery?? Actually NOT at all. There was a delightful difference in effect betw the swatch on my hand and the actual application.
For FACE: the shimmer as a contour-highlight is suddenly becomes very subtle. It's believable. The dark color actually is a gorgeous, light-shimmer bronzer. It actually works for contouring too.
The texture is phenomenal. I rubbed too hard initially thinking it was prob quite a dry/chalky product coz it was so cheap... and got WAAAY too much on my finger. Very creamy and smooth... I didn't know what to do with the monster swatch so I tried it as eyeshadow.
For the EYES: Phenomenal!!!! Lovely, neutral eyeshadow. The highlight blended perfectly here as well. (*I usually use the ELF 'Butternut' quad eyeshadow for the really neutral eye look in a pinch --- the texture of the Neo-Color version is infinitely better)
Wow, what a great travel, multi-purpose product. I was looking for the perfect light-shimmer bronzer... and here I found it. For $2. There's even a flip-up mirror & mini brush included.
Why didn't I buy the other colors? Or their eyeshadows?
As if I could love Daiso any more. Can you spend $80 at the 2-buck store. Baby, lemme show you how it's done ;)
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Alone again, naturally
I don't know how I never knew the lyrics to this song. One of my favorites, I actually looked them up today.
This is a much sweeter, smarter song than I'd previously imagined.
That heartbreak. That sentiment. That's what great songs/ writing/ art is made of...
And listening to the song again today, I thought I would feel that way when I thought abt the FCRAP again. But I didn't.
Which is wonderful.
Becoz all it really is, is an exam. It's just a job. It's just a year.
And it's not my soul.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Mini Nyx Haul & Reviews
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| L to R: (Lip glosses) Juicy Red, La-La, Sponge Cake. Tinted lip spa in Sake & Eyebrow cake in ash/taupe |
- Tinted lip spa: this is actually the same color as my lips. It's more sheer than it appears (coz otherwise it would be a lipstick) but it is smooth + reasonably moisturizing. It has an inoffensive smell that is hard to characterise. Overall, I like it very much as I'm a tinted lip balm fiend ;) ...BTW, some blogs mention that it melts in summer - it's autumn here so I can't comment on that but really hope not!
- MegaShine Lip Gloss in Juicy Red: I love the sheer but bright red color and I don't mind the slightly sticky texture of the gloss. This is a color I really wanted becoz I only have something similar in an unwieldy pot at the moment.
- La-La: thought I'd be bold and buy a bright color - something out of character. This is a bright pink and has good color pay-off. But it really doesn't suit me.
- Sponge Cake: this is a gorgeous color in the tube. Shimmery dusty pink (not brown - the way it came out in the pic). Sadly, it comes off on my lips as essentially nude/colorless with a little shimmer.
- Eyebrow Cake in Ash/Taupe: I love this. I never did anything abt my eyebrows other than plucking/ threading/ waxing until this year. Putting stuff on does make a difference though and I love this little package. I kinda mix the colors together and then put a little of the provided wax over the top. Cute and convenient. Saw this reviewed by some of my fave youtube beauty gurus and they were right!
Should I do a little list of my fave youtube beauty gurus? --- I have hesitated coz I wasn't sure if I was allowed to without their permission.... but would it be helpful?
Finally, I don't buy something every day. I realize that I do blog posts in quick succession ... but acquiring this stuff does take time ;)
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Quick Review: Brazilian blow-out
Ahh.
It sure sounds like I spend a ridiculous amount of money and time on cosmetics/ beauty stuff, huh? Well, perhaps I do ;)
Approx 8 months ago, a colleague with similar hair type + overall dress style to mine and I were talking abt how hard it is to manage thick, frizzy, mid-length hair. She is originally from Brisbane and told me abt the 'brazilian blow out' aka 'global keratin' treatment she had done there more than a year prior. It wasn't really in Perth at this time and I remember thinking abt how expensive she said it was (like $500).
My hair frizzies really act up when it's either long or short. Mid-length is ok... but I saw a deal online for the global keratin thing a couple of months ago and thought, "why the hell not, since it's less than 50% off!"
So, anyway, recently, the original formula has been recalled. Too much formaldehyde apparently. The new formulation is apparently called 'nano straight' and allows more post-procedure freedom. It's apparently immediately washable, for example. ... Anyway, this is the treatment I had done.
Even with mid length hair, it took abt 3 hours. It didn't smell especially pleasant going on and was pretty enough immediately afterwards... but not quite my style. Immediately after, it felt weighed down and was incredibly straight. Somehow making my giant head look larger since my hair was flatter. Hmm.
I resisted washing it for 48hours. My horror at the sight of the bobble-head in the mirror wore me down though.
After the first wash.... I didn't see or feel a discernible difference. I used the recommended shampoo + conditioner. I don't use any styling products with sulphates, as advised. Certainly, when wet I can still smell the original treatment (which is not pleasant btw) ... but when dry, my hair is still slightly frizzy and back to wavy.
I didn't get it done in the hopes it would be straighter. I love the waves... but I was hoping it would be substantially less frizzy. Or need less de-frizz product.
Conclusion: No regrets since I got to try it on massive discount. And jet black hair that always has bright, natty colors put in can always use the extra conditioning treatment... would I get it again?
---> on discount: yep!
---> full price: hell no.
It sure sounds like I spend a ridiculous amount of money and time on cosmetics/ beauty stuff, huh? Well, perhaps I do ;)
Approx 8 months ago, a colleague with similar hair type + overall dress style to mine and I were talking abt how hard it is to manage thick, frizzy, mid-length hair. She is originally from Brisbane and told me abt the 'brazilian blow out' aka 'global keratin' treatment she had done there more than a year prior. It wasn't really in Perth at this time and I remember thinking abt how expensive she said it was (like $500).
My hair frizzies really act up when it's either long or short. Mid-length is ok... but I saw a deal online for the global keratin thing a couple of months ago and thought, "why the hell not, since it's less than 50% off!"
So, anyway, recently, the original formula has been recalled. Too much formaldehyde apparently. The new formulation is apparently called 'nano straight' and allows more post-procedure freedom. It's apparently immediately washable, for example. ... Anyway, this is the treatment I had done.
Even with mid length hair, it took abt 3 hours. It didn't smell especially pleasant going on and was pretty enough immediately afterwards... but not quite my style. Immediately after, it felt weighed down and was incredibly straight. Somehow making my giant head look larger since my hair was flatter. Hmm.
I resisted washing it for 48hours. My horror at the sight of the bobble-head in the mirror wore me down though.
After the first wash.... I didn't see or feel a discernible difference. I used the recommended shampoo + conditioner. I don't use any styling products with sulphates, as advised. Certainly, when wet I can still smell the original treatment (which is not pleasant btw) ... but when dry, my hair is still slightly frizzy and back to wavy.
I didn't get it done in the hopes it would be straighter. I love the waves... but I was hoping it would be substantially less frizzy. Or need less de-frizz product.
Conclusion: No regrets since I got to try it on massive discount. And jet black hair that always has bright, natty colors put in can always use the extra conditioning treatment... would I get it again?
---> on discount: yep!
---> full price: hell no.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Call it 'business class'
 |
| Yep, daggy enough to take my own pic with champagne! |
For 6 months this year, I am/was lucky enough to have a part-time job in private sector doing something that can be loosely called 'research'. It's this job which sent me on my only business trip - to Thailand. I went business class, dressed, regardless, in my vintage t-shirt and black hoodie. Like the poor kid I actually am.
Here are some pics of the amazing hotel my colleague and I stayed in at our own expense, prior to the work-bit. It was called the Aetas Hotel and was in Bangkok itself. Such a lovely hotel with awesome stuff like a massage and daily cocktail (woohoo!) thrown in. New, clean and bright. Free wi-fi and some Macs available for guest use in the lobby too. Loved it.
 |
| The porn-style bathroom at Aetas - you can look into the main room from your bathtub... or vice versa, I suppose! This bathroom style was also in the second hotel. |
 |
| Dunno why I thought the bathroom counter also deserved a pic. But there you go. |
 |
| I wish you could see the giant showerhead here. There were 2 showerheads - one giant one that would pour enough water to engulf you. Heaven! |
Finally, I have to rant/rave about the flights. I'm a cheap, cheap human being. I've never even looked up the price of business class flights so this was an amazing experience. I was on Cathay Pacific airlines, in one of the individual booth/bed things which fully reclines. They try to feed you constantly in business class too.
I love my food but in 8 hours, I got 4 meals. I had to refuse some of the last one. It was beef noodles - think abt it ppl, I would never EVER ordinarily refuse beef noodles. Sigh.
Funny observation: In economy, the pre-landing stuff is easy. Your seats only ever tipped 3 inches backwards. In business, there's a lot of shuffling around before landing. You have to entangle yourself from your laz-y-boy type seat... and the big blankie/doona they gave you... and your wraparound headphones... and the table cloth (no shit) you probably left on your lap becoz, wtf, you had a table cloth and a cloth napkin to contend with.
 |
| Welcome to my pod. |
Yeah, I'm a hick. Whatever yo! I'll probably never get to do this again. Might as well revel in every second of how 'the other half' live.
;)
Thursday, May 05, 2011
Cake Eyeliner and BB Cream(s)
Yo!
A while back, I wrote that makeup is a new fascination/hobby for me. How new? I mean, N-E-W. Less than 12 months. I know this becoz the last time I visited Asia, BB creams were just starting to take the continent by storm... and I had no interest in them.
I've come a long way since then and am oddly fascinated by BB creams now. So much so, I bought a mini set of the famous 'Skin79' brand to try. Now, the caveat is that I've got nothing to compare their efficacy to. Many blogs and youtubers describe their efficacy in terms of 'coverage', especially in relation to foundation.... but I don't use foundation. Not just "don't use" but have never used. Never. I've never even purchased foundation.
Wha???
Frankly, I was put off foundation by the number of women walking around with a disparate colored faces and necks. I wasn't sure I could blend the stuff properly... and have also come to realise that since I have oddly clear skin, I really don't need any. Goths abhor the sun...and I never stopped avoiding it... I think this avoidance has, on it's own, contributed greatly to my even, blemish-free skin. (yeah, and the rest is luck and genes)....
What the hell am I saying?... I'm saying that I don't think anything of the 4 BB creams I've tried. They came out of the tube in beige-grey. All were the same shade. They were already perfectly matched to my face when I stick 'em on there. I rub 'em in with my fingers. How does it look? The way it did before. I actually tried a different BB on each cheek and left my forehead bare for comparison. No difference.
I'm not sure what the point of these is. Sorry. I'm gonna try to finish all 4 tubes so I can perhaps make a few more useful comments though :)
On to CAKE EYELINER...
This former goth has a 90% unused Clinique cake eyeliner from her heyday. A year ago, I bought a squeeze tube of Napoleon Perdis' Cake Eyeliner Sealer becoz I was thrilled to discover that cake eyeliner still existed as an entity.... Then, I recently watched a youtube video abt tightlining and cake eyeliner... WHOA! *brilliant idea*
;)
I didn't have too much success with this stuff the first time around.
I only ever mixed it with water and was clumsy - it was invariably watery and would sting my eyes when it dribbled in. Hey, I wasn't one of the goths with gorgeous makeup. *Sigh* But many years later, with a push eyeliner brush + sealer and I'm impressed. Cake eyeliner is dry stuff. Even more so than some eyeshadows IMHO. Some may disagree but I have no reason to think this has been cultivating anything sinister during its premature retirement. At any rate, it goes on beautifully this time around and does not sting.
Of all my eyeliners - and eyeliner is one of the few makeup items I've continued to use with reasonable frequency since goth-hood - this is one of the best. It doesn't smudge on my tightline and it stays all day. It's non-irritating. And I'm glad I have 90% of it left so I can start trying the brands that are around like Ben Nye, Stargazer.
;)
Ok gang, till next time!
PS: Anyone out there have any BB cream or cake eyeliner thoughts/comments?
A while back, I wrote that makeup is a new fascination/hobby for me. How new? I mean, N-E-W. Less than 12 months. I know this becoz the last time I visited Asia, BB creams were just starting to take the continent by storm... and I had no interest in them.
I've come a long way since then and am oddly fascinated by BB creams now. So much so, I bought a mini set of the famous 'Skin79' brand to try. Now, the caveat is that I've got nothing to compare their efficacy to. Many blogs and youtubers describe their efficacy in terms of 'coverage', especially in relation to foundation.... but I don't use foundation. Not just "don't use" but have never used. Never. I've never even purchased foundation.
Wha???
Frankly, I was put off foundation by the number of women walking around with a disparate colored faces and necks. I wasn't sure I could blend the stuff properly... and have also come to realise that since I have oddly clear skin, I really don't need any. Goths abhor the sun...and I never stopped avoiding it... I think this avoidance has, on it's own, contributed greatly to my even, blemish-free skin. (yeah, and the rest is luck and genes)....
What the hell am I saying?... I'm saying that I don't think anything of the 4 BB creams I've tried. They came out of the tube in beige-grey. All were the same shade. They were already perfectly matched to my face when I stick 'em on there. I rub 'em in with my fingers. How does it look? The way it did before. I actually tried a different BB on each cheek and left my forehead bare for comparison. No difference.
I'm not sure what the point of these is. Sorry. I'm gonna try to finish all 4 tubes so I can perhaps make a few more useful comments though :)
On to CAKE EYELINER...
This former goth has a 90% unused Clinique cake eyeliner from her heyday. A year ago, I bought a squeeze tube of Napoleon Perdis' Cake Eyeliner Sealer becoz I was thrilled to discover that cake eyeliner still existed as an entity.... Then, I recently watched a youtube video abt tightlining and cake eyeliner... WHOA! *brilliant idea*
;)
I didn't have too much success with this stuff the first time around.
I only ever mixed it with water and was clumsy - it was invariably watery and would sting my eyes when it dribbled in. Hey, I wasn't one of the goths with gorgeous makeup. *Sigh* But many years later, with a push eyeliner brush + sealer and I'm impressed. Cake eyeliner is dry stuff. Even more so than some eyeshadows IMHO. Some may disagree but I have no reason to think this has been cultivating anything sinister during its premature retirement. At any rate, it goes on beautifully this time around and does not sting.
Of all my eyeliners - and eyeliner is one of the few makeup items I've continued to use with reasonable frequency since goth-hood - this is one of the best. It doesn't smudge on my tightline and it stays all day. It's non-irritating. And I'm glad I have 90% of it left so I can start trying the brands that are around like Ben Nye, Stargazer.
;)
Ok gang, till next time!
PS: Anyone out there have any BB cream or cake eyeliner thoughts/comments?
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Crazy like a... clean freak?
So, who remembers a time before anti-bacterial hand gel?
I do!!
I actually remember being given a gift of a Bath & Body Works (henceforth BBW) 'Cucumber Melon' toiletries for X'mas in 2002 which contained a bottle of anti-bacterial hand gel. It was the first time I'd ever seen or heard of the stuff. I honestly thought the gifter was a little eccentric and the item a little 'niche' (for those crazy nannas out there)...Fast-forward 9 years later and the gel has become integral in my working + general life....
But somehow, I've never found anything better than the BBW version.
Australia is either too slow or too stupid or too restrictive/protectionist to allow in the BBW company. Of course, there is also the possibility that the company exists in a bigger city and/or that BBW has simply never cared to come to here... My point is, however, that there are only 4-5 companies which put antibacterial hand gel onto my local stores' shelves - Lifebuoy, Aqium, Purell are the main contenders ... although everyone's getting in on it and some chemists/drugstores who do their own.
I've tried all their hand gels. And although they may add in 'moisturizing' aloe, they all pretty much smell the damn same - like serious alcohol. Some even leave a slimy film on your hands to boot. Why there are no more pleasantly scented versions available here remains a mystery to me.
I've been spoilt by ol'BBW, and so actually buy their pocketbacs online. I know for a fact that there are nice scents and non-slimey textures available! ;) And the overall price difference is approx 50cents per mini bottle (usually less). Yeah, seriously, 50cents. For an item I would have to use (for work) a minimum of 20 times per day (and so generally use whatever is at work), and which I would choose to use for an additional, perhaps 5.
I've since also noticed that BBW now also makes anti-bacterial hand lotion. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why don't we get any of this stuff (or the equivalent) in Australia???? .....This stuff is GENIUS. Hands dry and gross? -- Anti-bac hand lotion to the rescue!
..Ahem.... I'm digressing...
I found out the other day that BBW is discontinuing my beloved 'Cucumber Melon'. The scent that started it all. The original and still my favourite. Evocative of both cleanliness and nostalgia. ... So I reacted by buying 8 bottles. I would have bought more had they been available.
Anyway here's pictorial proof of both my sadness and obsession.
Finally, boooooo to you BBW, for stopping production on a classic scent. Simple and unencumbered. So much better than the overpowering " Twilight Woods" and the too-sweet "Twisted Peppermint".
Tis the end of an era.
PS: of the locally available varieties, 'Chemist's Own' offers the most olfactory pleasure. And is non-slimey to boot. It has a cute chubby bottle and is the only one I'd buy again.
I do!!
I actually remember being given a gift of a Bath & Body Works (henceforth BBW) 'Cucumber Melon' toiletries for X'mas in 2002 which contained a bottle of anti-bacterial hand gel. It was the first time I'd ever seen or heard of the stuff. I honestly thought the gifter was a little eccentric and the item a little 'niche' (for those crazy nannas out there)...Fast-forward 9 years later and the gel has become integral in my working + general life....
But somehow, I've never found anything better than the BBW version.
Australia is either too slow or too stupid or too restrictive/protectionist to allow in the BBW company. Of course, there is also the possibility that the company exists in a bigger city and/or that BBW has simply never cared to come to here... My point is, however, that there are only 4-5 companies which put antibacterial hand gel onto my local stores' shelves - Lifebuoy, Aqium, Purell are the main contenders ... although everyone's getting in on it and some chemists/drugstores who do their own.
I've tried all their hand gels. And although they may add in 'moisturizing' aloe, they all pretty much smell the damn same - like serious alcohol. Some even leave a slimy film on your hands to boot. Why there are no more pleasantly scented versions available here remains a mystery to me.
I've been spoilt by ol'BBW, and so actually buy their pocketbacs online. I know for a fact that there are nice scents and non-slimey textures available! ;) And the overall price difference is approx 50cents per mini bottle (usually less). Yeah, seriously, 50cents. For an item I would have to use (for work) a minimum of 20 times per day (and so generally use whatever is at work), and which I would choose to use for an additional, perhaps 5.
I've since also noticed that BBW now also makes anti-bacterial hand lotion. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why don't we get any of this stuff (or the equivalent) in Australia???? .....This stuff is GENIUS. Hands dry and gross? -- Anti-bac hand lotion to the rescue!
..Ahem.... I'm digressing...
I found out the other day that BBW is discontinuing my beloved 'Cucumber Melon'. The scent that started it all. The original and still my favourite. Evocative of both cleanliness and nostalgia. ... So I reacted by buying 8 bottles. I would have bought more had they been available.
Anyway here's pictorial proof of both my sadness and obsession.
Finally, boooooo to you BBW, for stopping production on a classic scent. Simple and unencumbered. So much better than the overpowering " Twilight Woods" and the too-sweet "Twisted Peppermint".
Tis the end of an era.
PS: of the locally available varieties, 'Chemist's Own' offers the most olfactory pleasure. And is non-slimey to boot. It has a cute chubby bottle and is the only one I'd buy again.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Lip balm/ gloss collection (and some reviews)
Why on earth would I take a pic of this? Becoz I'm obsessed with lip stuff and wanted to see how bad/good my collection is ;)
Oddly enough, I'm terrified of lipSTICK and don't own any. But I more than make up for it with balms and glosses. Why the fear? It's a long story. And not necessarily the most rational one either... but I digress...
My lip stuff obsession is long term and ongoing. I have occasional allergies to lip stuff too. I can't use Body Shop lip balms for example.
Anyway, some notables...
Helle honey lip balm:
Affectionately known as 'the bumble bee'. I bought this balm for the very first time in the apple flavour actually. When I was living in Prague in 2004/5. It's a lovely lip balm I've never reacted to. Always glides on and is moisturizing... and it always reminds me of my adventures in Europe. ...So of course, I was thrilled to buy it again when I went back to Prague this year.
EOS Lemon Drop with SPF 15
There's a lot of hype abt 'the egg' lip balms. I admit I was suckered into buying it thanks to that.
But that's ok becoz I love this lip balm. It's not practical but certainly innovative and cute packaging. I find the lemon scent/flavour believable and pleasant. The balm goes on very smoothly and doesn't smell chemically/waxy as balms with SPF sometimes do.
I always use something with SPF during the day so it's nice that more companies are producing such products.
Neutrogena MoistureShine Lip Soothers (SPF 20)
I actually have these in 3 colors. They aren't sold in Australian shops and I've had to buy these online. But, as is the way with most things bought online & from overseas when you live here, they're actually no more expensive than any glosses in the stores.
I love these. I bought them becoz I wanted a hint of color + SPF.
They really only offer a hint of color. Seriously. Which means it kinda doesn't matter what color you choose. But there's something slightly tingly in the gloss' formula itself which I love.. and it makes my lips go a little pink too... so the overall color effect is greater.
Smiths 'Minted Rose' lip balm
I don't like the taste or scent of roses but I really like this balm. It tingles gently when it goes on, is moisturizing, adds a hint of very realistic/natural color.
I go thru phases when I avoid balms in tubs though. Mainly in summer becoz it gets so hot here, it's possible the balm (any balm) has liquified within the tin/container.... EW.
TonyMoly "Berry Berry Magic Lip Tint" in Green Apple
Ok, daggy confession --- I love products which change color. I never got a
hypercolor t-shirt as a kid so I never got the bug out of my system ;)
This is gel lip balm. It's green in the tub. Actually, I love the color it becomes - it's a bright pink. It's reasonably moisturizing but nothing to get excited abt.
Downside? -- You need a lip brush with this becoz if you use your finger, the warmth from it will change some of the balm in the tub. Yep.
....Anyway, I haven't used all of the products pictured... but here are some highlights. And if I really dislike the products, I throw them away.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Crackle Nail Polish: a comparison, review and some nail polish thoughts
Truth be told, I never stopped loving it in black especially coz once a goth, always a goth. So when I started seeing black crackle/ shatter nail polish around, I thought this was heaven sent. A little less intimidating than plain black and a nice way to enjoy a bright color too...
But I'm one cheap-ass mo-fo so I looked around for cheaper/drugstore versions. I ended up with the BYS version. I didn't buy the set pictured here (I just bought the black on its own)... but I've since I've binned mine, so this is a stock photo.
The BYS version was _crap_. It barely cracked no matter what I did to it. It didn't come with instructions so I looked up tips on how to use crackle/shatter nail polish online. Some sites recommended painting the crackle layer on while the previous coat is still damp. Some sites said the opposite. All recommended thin coats. ... I did all that, and still, nothing. It did crack - not enough to reveal any of the color beneath but enough to be rough to the touch.
Also, despite top coat, the BYS version started to chip/ flake off within 24hours. Literally.
BAH!
I've never bought a BYS nail polish before so I don't know what their 'normal' colors are like but their crackle/shatter version has nothing to recommended it. Yeah, the bottle was $5 ... but what's the point if it doesn't do what it promises?
I wasn't taking this defeat lightly, however, as I'd seen so many great pics with black crackle + color pop beneath... so I took the plunge and bought the polish which I think started it all --- OPI's "Black Shatter". It worked out to be $11 including shipping from eBay for a full sized bottle.
This one came with instructions and was idiot-proof. 1 coat... and instant perfection. The khaki green color I'd chosen as the 'base' shone thru.... So, the OPI version was worth __every single cent___
Which brings me to a rather sad conclusion....
I tend to buy drugstore nail polishes. I'm enticed by colors, not brands, so if something catches my eye, I tend to buy it. I've had some great finds this way... but also noticed that there _is_ a difference in quality.
My previous top coat came from Rimmel. It was a quick dry version and I thought it was pretty good. Nail polishes took ages to dry all the way thru but I thought that was just nail polish in general. ...When it ran out though, I started using the OPI version (the standard version ie. not quick dry) which I had bought for cheap while overseas last year.... The difference was INSANE.
The OPI version dries incredibly quickly. And when that happens, the whole nail is dry. Dry enough to press with a finger and not mark. It doesn't matter which brand of colored polish I use in conjunction. The OPI version also seems slightly runnier in consistency, which is neither good nor bad, but it means it goes on much more smoothly.
*sigh* I hate it when I can't find a way to save a buck... but there you have it. A more expensive/ non-drugstore brand has shown itself to be superior and now I can't go back. Not with the top coats or base coats anyway ;)
Last point: a tip for using the shatter/ crackle polish. Do a layer of top coat on over the 'color' (ie. before you do the shatter/crackle coat). It DOES make a difference --- the base color really pops.
Addendum: The Opi polish does dry very quickly (which I'm sure is actually how it works) so be sure to close the bottle tightly. It does kinda gunk up on the stem of the brush too. But I love it anyway!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Scyanide and DP do retro
In an unprecedented move, within a blog that no one reads, I thought I'd post a couple of pics of one of my dearest friends and I all dressed up for a church opening.
Yep, oddly enough, 2 atheists/agnostics went to the opening of a church this weekend past. It was to support a dear friend. But to ease the awkwardness of the event for the uninitiated, we thought it would be fun to make it a themed event... known only to us beforehand of course ;)
The theme was the gorgeous '50s. Partly in honour of the mostly elderly church core - probably a time they'd remember as their heyday ;)
DP did a crisp, fitted white shirt, grey slacks, suspenders and fabulous fedora.
I did the defined-arch eyebrow, winged eyeliner, red pout and pink cheeks and faux victory rolls. Sadly, I didn't have a red flower for my hair (I don't know how, since I have most colors) but nevermind.
The dress was from Forever21's current collection. It's a delightful navy + white polka dotted number with embroidered red and white flowers down the front. The shoes are red peep toe platform maryjanes. (For the record, I also wear these shoes to work. Yep).
Anyway, we had a wonderful time and thought I should put up a pic or two to commemorate a fun time and one of my first actual makeup looks!
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Crazy makeup/ cosmetics haul (aka procastination 2011)
Gang;
This year, I decided that makeup would be the way I spent my procrastination time + money.
So although I still wear little more than eyeshadow on a daily basis, I decided that it was important to learn how to properly apply makeup. I mean, c'mon ppl, there are (were - hehe) 12 year olds who are/were more familiar and more adept with makeup than me!!!!
Yeah, it definitely is a little weird to watch youtube videos abt how to apply 'high school makeup' and discover that that was more than you wear to WORK. At your profession. After 8 years of university. Hmm.
So here, in no particular order are some of my purchases in the 4 months when I was really studying hard. There's more stuff, let's face it, but I haven't bothered to photograph it all just yet.
'NYC Color' nail polishes
I have had 3 nail polish/nail painting phases in my life thus far - when I was in junior high in the US, when I was in uni here and right now.
I started this particular phase by accident. It actually wasn't part of my procrastination plan, nor do I actually consider this 'makeup'. I've never had nor wanted acrylic nails and I'm not into nail art. ... I bought these becoz one day, my local ___petrol station (a BP)___ had a big bin of them and they were 3 for $6. Which is phenomenal value for money for anything of reasonable cosmetic quality in Australia. (Indeed, I've seen the same brand available from local online cosmetic companies for more money ...and that doesn't include the postage)
I remembered this brand from my time in the US and was charmed to see that it had made it all the way over here.
The 3-for-6 deal really got to me, of course, becoz I now have so goddamn many!!!
The colors I have are:
Green sparkle (the sparkles do not apply quite as densely as one would expect. you need lots of layers), Green goblin (this is a really bright dark lime color. I kinda wished it was a little darker but even with a black base, it's still bright.. but if that's what you're going for, it's great), Charcoal (I'm in love with this color. matte grey - industrial chic. sure you could use it with sparkles, nail art, etc but I like it just as it is), Berrylicious (matte deep purple. love it... retro 60s psychedelia comes to mind), Silver sparkles (oddly enough, the sparkles in this apply with beautiful density), Tin roof (oh my, this color is perfect - gunmetal grey but shimmery - industrial chic take 2), Professor Plum, Broomstick (this is a gorgeous mix between bronze and dusty pink - it's not the sort of thing I would normally pick but it looks great on) , Petticoat and Red Slippers (very fine, bright ruby red glitter polish - lovely over something else).
...If I haven't made a little comment abt these, I haven't tried them yet. They're good quality overall though.
I love these nail polishes and _always_ paint my toenails in summer.
Yay!
Australis Make-up Finishing Spritz
This smelt lovely, was $9.95 and comes in a big, big bottle.
Do I know it if really does anything for my makeup (eyeliner + translucent face powder)? Nope.
But I enjoy spraying it on after I've been out in the hot sun (read: anywhere during the day at the moment) when I want to freshen up but don't necessarily have the time to wash my face and start over.
Would I buy this again? Good lord, ask me when I come closer to finishing it!
Sigma Deluxe Travel Brush Kit
Until now, my makeup brush collection was a mish-mash of hand-me-downs from my mother and the occasional freebie.
Does anyone remember when there was a free set of makeup brushes with a magazine like "Marie Claire" or "Madison"? I don't read those mags normally, but thought that it would be good value to buy one for the brush kit. Yep. It wasn't that good an idea.
I've had to slowly replace my brushes with a combo of stuff from EcoTools, Gloss, ELF and Sigma.
These brushes are lovely, the kit it all comes in is lovely. I've used them all... once. Each. Becoz I'm not travelling anywhere and don't really want to go thru the hassle of washing then storing them repeatedly when just trying on makeup in my bathroom.
PS: IMHO, not every brush in a kit will work out. I've got an Ecotools kit - love the eyeliner brush, love the mini eyeshadow brush. Not impressed by the blush/ face powder brush.
I think brushes are a very individual thing. So don't go out there assuming that a ton of money or a posh brand will be the solution.
...Ok... PHEW. That's it for now.
This year, I decided that makeup would be the way I spent my procrastination time + money.
So although I still wear little more than eyeshadow on a daily basis, I decided that it was important to learn how to properly apply makeup. I mean, c'mon ppl, there are (were - hehe) 12 year olds who are/were more familiar and more adept with makeup than me!!!!
Yeah, it definitely is a little weird to watch youtube videos abt how to apply 'high school makeup' and discover that that was more than you wear to WORK. At your profession. After 8 years of university. Hmm.
So here, in no particular order are some of my purchases in the 4 months when I was really studying hard. There's more stuff, let's face it, but I haven't bothered to photograph it all just yet.
I have had 3 nail polish/nail painting phases in my life thus far - when I was in junior high in the US, when I was in uni here and right now.
I started this particular phase by accident. It actually wasn't part of my procrastination plan, nor do I actually consider this 'makeup'. I've never had nor wanted acrylic nails and I'm not into nail art. ... I bought these becoz one day, my local ___petrol station (a BP)___ had a big bin of them and they were 3 for $6. Which is phenomenal value for money for anything of reasonable cosmetic quality in Australia. (Indeed, I've seen the same brand available from local online cosmetic companies for more money ...and that doesn't include the postage)
I remembered this brand from my time in the US and was charmed to see that it had made it all the way over here.
The 3-for-6 deal really got to me, of course, becoz I now have so goddamn many!!!
The colors I have are:
Green sparkle (the sparkles do not apply quite as densely as one would expect. you need lots of layers), Green goblin (this is a really bright dark lime color. I kinda wished it was a little darker but even with a black base, it's still bright.. but if that's what you're going for, it's great), Charcoal (I'm in love with this color. matte grey - industrial chic. sure you could use it with sparkles, nail art, etc but I like it just as it is), Berrylicious (matte deep purple. love it... retro 60s psychedelia comes to mind), Silver sparkles (oddly enough, the sparkles in this apply with beautiful density), Tin roof (oh my, this color is perfect - gunmetal grey but shimmery - industrial chic take 2), Professor Plum, Broomstick (this is a gorgeous mix between bronze and dusty pink - it's not the sort of thing I would normally pick but it looks great on) , Petticoat and Red Slippers (very fine, bright ruby red glitter polish - lovely over something else).
...If I haven't made a little comment abt these, I haven't tried them yet. They're good quality overall though.
I love these nail polishes and _always_ paint my toenails in summer.
Yay!
This smelt lovely, was $9.95 and comes in a big, big bottle.
Do I know it if really does anything for my makeup (eyeliner + translucent face powder)? Nope.
But I enjoy spraying it on after I've been out in the hot sun (read: anywhere during the day at the moment) when I want to freshen up but don't necessarily have the time to wash my face and start over.
Would I buy this again? Good lord, ask me when I come closer to finishing it!
Until now, my makeup brush collection was a mish-mash of hand-me-downs from my mother and the occasional freebie.
Does anyone remember when there was a free set of makeup brushes with a magazine like "Marie Claire" or "Madison"? I don't read those mags normally, but thought that it would be good value to buy one for the brush kit. Yep. It wasn't that good an idea.
I've had to slowly replace my brushes with a combo of stuff from EcoTools, Gloss, ELF and Sigma.
These brushes are lovely, the kit it all comes in is lovely. I've used them all... once. Each. Becoz I'm not travelling anywhere and don't really want to go thru the hassle of washing then storing them repeatedly when just trying on makeup in my bathroom.
PS: IMHO, not every brush in a kit will work out. I've got an Ecotools kit - love the eyeliner brush, love the mini eyeshadow brush. Not impressed by the blush/ face powder brush.
I think brushes are a very individual thing. So don't go out there assuming that a ton of money or a posh brand will be the solution.
...Ok... PHEW. That's it for now.
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