About me: 25 Things

Since I can't be bothered changing my profile (a lot of little boxes to fill in is annoying), but think there should be a little insight into me, however odd, since no one reads this as far as I can tell...


1.) I love the Russian language. I don't know if I have any special thoughts/feelings abt Russian culture or the Russian ppl (absolutely no offense intended) but I love the language. I've spent my entire like knowing that there was nothing else I'd rather learn and no place on earth I'd rather be than Russia (where I could be linguistically emersed). I can remember being 4 years old and loving the language already, never having heard it... and my parents being amused and horrified both. 

2.) I learnt the cyrillic alphabet in a lunchtime 'class' at the University of Texas in Austin which was run as a publicity excercise. I had been waiting for this my whole life, after all, so I actually did know it 30mins later. 

3.) I called the Red Crescent when I was 16 and had just finished high school to see if I could volunteer in Russia. They were horrified, not least becoz I had no medical training or linguistic skill. They told me, very politely, that I should perhaps call again when I either learnt the language or obtained some training. 

4.) I went to medical school so i could be like Hawkeye from M*A*S*H - volunteer, disgruntled, on the front lines and helping ppl regardless of financial status, nationality or ethnicity. 

5.) I wanted to be a veterinarian or a spy (James Bond) for most of my childhood......... then I wanted to be an archaeologist (Indiana Jones). 

6.) My happiest year of school was 8th grade at Wellesley Middle School in Boston. It was one of the few times in my adolescence when I thought I might have actually been cool ;)

7.) I initially hung on to my American accent to protest my having to return to Perth, Western Australia after my time in Wellesley. Now, it's simply a part of me. 

8.) I tend to do things becoz they fit into my idea of the 'James Bond skill set' eg. flying planes. I still want to be a spy... but may actually be more like Johnny English ;) 

9.) I am apparently very 'gay friendly'. 

10.) I'm a romantic in the truest sense of the word. Forget crap like flowers, chocolates and Valentines Day, I mean all you need is love and everything will work out fine. I apply this policy wherever I can (eg. my, hopefully, career in cardiolgy) and never worry abt those issues again. 

11.) I was once a goth... and I don't think my sensibilities have ever really changed 

12.) I have a tattoo that says "veritas' on the inside ofmy right wrist. I wish it were larger. 

13.) I had two 'adoptive families' while growing up away from my mother - The Jankots and the Poole-Johnsons. I've never stopped loving both and have never forgotten how kind they were to me. 

14.) I was glad when my parents divorced. I wished it was sooner. 

15.) I have mad respect and love for single parents doing it tough and I am always incensed when ppl diss them. 

16.) I discovered a love for languages in Taiwan. Taiwan changed my mind abt the Chinese language, the Chinese ppl and abt my own abilities. Suffice it to say, my stay there forever changed my life. 

17.) I was once engaged, and I've never really forgiven myself for not being better to my ex when the engagement/relationship ended 

18.) I'm spoilt. Somehow, even with a single parent, i've had almost every opportunity imaginable. ...I don't really have a proper appreciation of this even now and require constant reminding. 

19.) I hate ppl who are obsessed with brands becoz they're snobs/wannabes: I hate brands. I hate snobs and I hate ppl incapable of dressing themselves without. 

20.) I discovered, at 2am on a saturday in 2007, that I love cardiology almost as much as Russian. 

21.) I love soft, furry things (and that includes reptiles). One of my fave memories is of being in Kuala Lumpur with my friend Jehan and getting to rub the nose of an iguana in a pet store. In my mind's eye all animals are gorgeous, have fluffy ears and long whiskers... even that iguana. 

22.) My 3 friends from my childhood in Singapore have a huge place in my heart. They know everything abt me and stuck by me when I was at my most dickheaded and for that, I will be eternally grateful. 

23.) I dress to theme. I got thru mod phases, 1950s phases, fetish phases and dress accordingly... even now. I'm always ready for that theme party that never actually happens except in my imagination ;) 

24.) I have never stopped loving (not the same as 'being in love with') my first boyfriend, Shane. He remains one of the funniest, kindest, coolest ppl I have ever known, and our enduring friendship is the yardstick against which I have measured all others since. 

25.) I have trouble trusting ppl.

Addendum to recent product reviews ;)

Hmm.  


I've thought abt the Tarte and Eyeko products a little more since re-reading my Skinfood Stain entry...

So there are a couple more thoughts:  I like the Tarte stain.  I really do.  But it was MORE expensive per gram than the SkinFood version, and not quite as user-friendly IMO.

I would def still use it though.  And I don't regret buying it.

The Eyeko 3-in-1 cream I still really like for some reason.  Something abt a big tub of slightly shimmer stuff that I can apply almost everywhere in dabs really charms me.  I like its texture as a highlighter.  And I think it's foolproof when used sparingly.  

The Eyeko Fat Balm.  

You know, this is probably the thing I'm not sure abt buying again.  

I love that it has SPF.  

But its slight waxy taste is a turn off.

Then again, it looks lovely when applied lightly to the lips & cheeks...

Hmm.

(this is pretty ironic since I do actually have other Fat Balms already en route to me - such was my earlier enthusiasm!)

Still, it wasn't too expensive, and I'm really enchanted by the stubby package.  

As a travel item, I think it's a winner.  Day-to-day, when I have my entire bathroom worth of products to choose from, perhaps not.  

'Nuff said ;)

Oooh: Skinfood FreshFruit Lip & Cheek Stains

There was a little surprise in the mail for me yesterday.

My long-awaited SkinFood Fresh Fruit Lip & Cheek Stains!!!

I'm really into Asian cosmetics coz they often have cute packaging, target skin concerns I have (eg. brightening products or things with high SPF) and are often more affordable.

Skinfood is one of those cult brands from Korea.

I don't know when I would have started trying their products had it not been for my recent interest in makeup.

I'd read several great reviews abt these little tins (eg. from Konglish Beauty) and thought, what the heck!

Firstly, they're much smaller than I thought.  Including postage, they worked out to be abt US$12.50 including postage.  They're 6grams each.  I'm new to makeup so I wasn't sure how much that was... turns out, not much.  In fairness, I probably don't want or need a tub of stain though ;)

Anyway, they're nice and creamy when gently rubbed with a finger (like you would with lip balm) - more so than the Tarte stain.  Easily liquified and applied.  I didn't feel like I was dragging at my skin at all when applying these.

I very much agree with other bloggers that recommend Pomegranate as the go-to color, if you only get one.  It looks dark but is a very lovely rich pink.  Very buildable and natural on the lips and cheeks.  Gives that 'pop' perfectly.

Apricot is the first and only product I have that has more of a peach/orange (haha apricot, of course) tone.  I wasn't sure if it would suit me and true enough, it sorta doesn't.  I love it as a cheek stain.  I actually think this is just subtle enough for work.  It's gonna be a staple for sure.  Natural, subtle, pleasant.  .... As a lip stain?  --- recall my earlier rant abt nude lips.  It's not quite that bad, but it does have that sorta effect.

Out of the 3 different brands of 'stain' I've bought so far, these are by far my faves.  The nicest texture and the absolutely easiest to blend on cheeks.  Absolutely no waxy taste on the lips either.

Bonus?  They also had a hint of cute, fruity scent.

Teehee, with each new product I buy, I find a new fave.  Now I would DEFINITELY buy these again... not the Tarte, not the Eyeko.  Just coz I have to rationalize the makeup purchases.

Random makeup thought

I hate the concept of the "nude lip".  


Why frickin' bother putting on any coloured product if that's what you want?  LIP BALM also achieves the nude lip.  Seeing as that would actually make the lip...nude.


Idiotic concept.

Just wanted to vent.


Coz the other things I could talk abt mainly involve a hatred of the Human Resource Dept at work, my up-coming exams or my love of puppy feet.  


Nude-lip-hate is better ;)


(and no, I buy lots of stuff... but none of the stuff in the pic is mine)

Tarte Cheek Stain: Tipsy

So, I buy these things in travel/mini sizes coz one day soon, I'm sure the novelty of wearing makeup will dissipate.


But lemme just say, I like this VERY much.


I bought it online, having chosen the color that was most frequently recommended.


I like this more than the Eyeko version (as a cheek stain) which is nowhere near as light in texture... or color (but that could have just been the ones I've chosen).


This is much more build-able and very very light.


Even though it looks like a crazy orange, sparkly color - it works out very natural and lovely.


Ooooooh.


Ok... must stop buying things ;)

Nope, no nothing

Proud moment yesterday in which I pulled undersirables at the work Xmas party BUT also had the foresight and general sense not to do anything abt them.


Good lord, some lukas-like character and then some chubber.  


(nothing against chubbers - all the other descriptors I can think of at the moment are a little specific and may allow identification).


I guess it's reassuring that I'm not dead to the general singles population.  But I'm clearly attractive to/targeting the wrong groups.


I wonder often if my mistake is being universally friendly at these things.  Was/ is Russell Peters right?  


Anyway, I digress - this entry is really more abt my sad realization that after literally, 1 vodka shot, 2 glasses of champagne (on an empty stomach), I awoke this morning with another hangover.  The headache component was small.. but still puked and needed a lot of sleep.


I didn't even feel especially drunk last night.  


I hate how I'm old now and a total lightweight.


I think I'm gonna have to limit my party drinking to 1 glass of something only!  I mean, really?!  


Pathetic!

Today

Today I did something new.


And bold.


And gutsy.


And although I think it wasn't a roaring success, I've learnt something from it.


I'm not quite sure what yet.  But I've learnt something.  It's probably something abt "trying new things" or some such rot.  But it was an uncomfortable, necessary experience.


I've got balls too.


Big balls.


And soon, I might have more.  (although sorta kinda maybe asking ppl out isn't really what I want to do to earn my stripes, at it were.  Or testicles)

Eyeko reviews

Ok...


So everyone channels their nervous energy into different things.  Everytime I have to study, I do something different.


Last year it was bags.  Many bags.  So many, I can't remember them all and am embarrassed by some of them.  (c'mon - when am I gonna use a white leather bag??  5 mins into an endeavour like that and it'll be covered in pen marks OR blood OR both)


This year, I thought I've let my inner 'girlie-girl' out and try makeup.  Not that I wear any more to work.  But it's taken over a decade for this former goth to work up the courage to even consider some _color_.


So here are my first two reviews:

• Eyeko 3-in-1 cream
• Fat Balm in Strawberry

BALM:  I'm obsessed with tinted lip balm with SPF right now so I really wanted to try this.


I'd read mixed reviews.  


BTW I'm a lip balm person first.  Maybe getting into the glosses.  Have never used lipstick (never - it's a long story)


... the verdict:   LOOVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEE this.  No really.  I find it moist going on, color obvious yet subtle (kissable pout).  As a blush, lovely.  I'm not used to seeing myself in blush but I love the color.  It was easy to blend and buildable if you're a klutz like me (vs cheek stains. good lord, what a mess)


I think it has a very light strawberry scent (with a little waxiness added for good measure).


I'm so thrilled, I'm buying 2 more colors!


Eyeko 3-in-cream:  Although advertised as such, I wouldn't use this alone as a moisturizer coz it's got lots of shimmer.  I love the shimmer so I'd consider using this as a highlighter (eyebrows, cheekbones).  


Several reviewers have found it dry.  I see what they mean but disagree.  It's not very moisturizing and dries quickly but mixed with a little something else, it has potential.


Not quite sure how I will incorporate it into my daily life, but I like it.  It's a big tub.  I prob won't buy it again only becoz I can't imagine finishing it!


...Finally, I bought these while browsing an Australian online cosmetics store.  No issues with the company... but these are still cheaper bought online from the UK and shipped over to Oz ;)

Ok gang, new approach...

Righto.


I don't actually think many ppl read this.  Certainly not too many of my real life friends.


So as a quirk, I'm gonna share stuff my real life friends don't really know abt.  (and I guess if they read this, they'll find out after all...)


Nothing too exciting.  


Just thought I'd start doing little review abt, well, mostly the stuff I buy.  Coz I love reading other ppl's reviews.  They always aid my decision making process when buying online.  And since I live in a god-forsaken area, I have to buy a lot of stuff online coz the stores have dismal selections.


So, on that note... let's begin..... :0)

I've worked out

That I buy more crap when I'm unhappy.  A none too subtle attempt to fill a/the void in my heart and life.


I remain unhappy.


And my house is full of crap.


There has to be a better way.

I am

a)  Anxious.


b)  Tired.


c)  Unhappy.


d)  Procrastinating


e) all of the above

Back home - bring on the depressive funk

***SIGH****

Day 1 back home after the rather painful realisation that I've wasted several years on a nonsense relationship... camped out in some small town... fixated on some stupid career crap... and become old before my time.

Done nothing, travelled nowhere and now am all alone, having not made a new, NON-work friend since leaving university. (and let's face it, doctors aren't actually fascinating fun)

F*ck this.

Seriously.  What have I done?  

So I'm camped out in my stupidly large house trying to study for some exam.  So I can fill my life with more work.  In my small town.  No hope of doing anything social becoz I'm mostly at work OR don't want to meet any more doctors/allied health/2-degrees-of-seperation f*ckwits.

No way.  

I truly have become everything I abhored.

Sunday and today

Sunday just gone was my first good day here in Melb.


I never thought my mood sensitive to the sun but there I was, smiling as I strolled down Swanston in the sunlight.  I figure a combination of the sun, my new haircut, a break from lectures and no longer being hungover all contributed.  It was my happiest moment here ever... and I've realized that I've been to Melb at least half a dozen times since graduating.  Perhaps more.


All those times, and I really remember being happy just once.


But that one time made me think abt how nice it is to walk down the street in a big city.  Anonymity and individuality all in one.


It made me realize how much I miss big cities... and even if Melb isn't mine... maybe it's time to start looking for one again.  


I think that in a big city, Pig and I could find true love.  Or contentment and a place for each other.

New Hair

As many girls do when feeling low (hey, there's nothing like failing the FCRAP and then doing Deltamed to make you feel shit), I got my hair done.


And when I done I mean REdone.


For the first time in my life, I just said "don't give me a mullet, but otherwise, go crazy!" 


All this was done sotto voce, however, since I was hungover.


Anyway, mad props to Dens and De who recommended the place and the artiste - now I have a haircut (complete with undercut) that's officially too cool for both me and school ;)

Melbourne

Being here for study is depressing.  


It's so hard to stay focused and motivated for hours on end.. and to fight that sneaking sense of self doubt that says "you didn't pass before and you knew this stuff... think you're gonna pass now?"


It's a big city that has a habit of making you feel small too...


But I am still revelling in the anonymity and the freedom of it all... when allowed to roam.


So what will make me think I'll pass this time?

I am well aware

That getting tipsy, by myself, on a 'school night' is poor form.

But I only did it so that I would sleep like the dead... refreshed and ready for 48hours of consistent work, cardiology style.

(does anyone ever read this?)

*sigh*

no one loves me.


sometimes i don't care.


this just isn't one of those times.

Trying too hard

Got told yesterday by one of my bosses - previously frightening giant of a man - that I was trying to hard.


Ordinarily something like that would have crushed me but he was so very nice abt it.  And managed to couch it all somehow.


It stung a little.  But somehow I came out of it thinking ... gee... if ever there was a simple way to improve, this is it.


I'd actually never been told that by any boss ever.  Admittedly, I'm very rarely trying as hard as I am now. 


So there you go, possibly the first time I've ever taken constructive criticism as just that.

Send someone to love me

I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man


....Years ago, I spend a summer in Taipei by myself.  This song came out then.  And I used to walk thru the neon-lit streets and think abt how it perfectly captured my world.


I don't think my life ever really changed since then.  

Annoying

Geez, I spent all this time trying to think hard abt a particular referral - was I missing something?  Could I manage it better?  Hmm.  What other info was/is needed?....


And after all that, all my boss had to say was "Sunday afternoon is not the time for brilliance.  Just admit them."


Huh.  


I don't have many brilliant moments, I'm sorry you're cranky to have me call you all the time on Fathers' Day but cut me some slack - I'm trying to keep crap out of your department!

So, what's it like...?

What's it like being alone?

Well, for the first time I can recall since it I became single again, it made me sad.

I was walking Mr Pig. Still dressed in scrubs (becoz how can I improve on that kinda comfort), winter coat on top, ipod going. And getting into the music, I realized that I have no one to share that with. Just no one. Arguably, I didn't have anyone to share my music with before. But still... there I was on the poorly lit suburban streets, all alone.

I've realized that most of the time, I'm at work. Either truly busy or just not quite busy enough becoz I'm feeling neurotic. But I'm at work. And so I forget. That it's just Pig and I.

I never thought I'd be one of those ppl who'd give a shit abt having a partner. And that's prob not even really it. It's more like having the interaction, the living presence... something other than myself.

Pig's a delightful distraction. But on those days when I'm just too tired to walk too far...

Sometimes I just wish someone would hug me.

Hug away the darkness, the loneliness, the cold of the overnight on-call, the self-doubt and self-loathing. Make me believe, however briefly, that my exams and my training program be damned, I'll be happy anyway.